Saturday, January 29, 2011

Significant others



I am an African immigrant gay black man, and I have seen a lot. I was almost killed in the "hood" for being effeminate...way before I knew I was gay. When I went to school in New York I was able to express my sense of freedom through clothing. In Malcom X's journey he was Detroit Red in a Zoot Suite effin white woman and doing coke before becoming a Prophet and returning to a sex negative normative leadership (after racial ambiguity and family dispersal). Malcolm was eulogized as our shining black prince. That says it all. As a black community we have not been able to fear our fathers, love and want our mothers, desire and love our men, freely revolutionize our family relations without illegitimacy, freely love, expressively sex, artistically depict without a white gaze, materially manifest without a religious ceiling, spiritually explore within a liberal space of divinity, dance danger and tarry the temporal, be tender and not surrender, combine sensuality and the struggle, sing and hone silence, dress for subsistence - success - suffering -sobriety - sustenance...ALL AT THE SAME TIME. We are but have never Been.



ps : The problem this guy faced is similar to what I'm facing as a Indian guy who
listens to indie rock/feminin than masculin and look different from other. The
only thing different is I'm not homosexual but if I'm a Homo then I will be
proud of that, no place for homophobia in my eyes.



http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-05-06/does-kanye-dress-too-gay/3/

Pursuit Of Happiness (Megaforce Version)



Feel the artistic innovation and imagination in the music and video. Something is on with this kid that attracts me. Kid cudi featured MGMT in this track where shows his appreciation for one of the hated people by Rappers that is "so called Indie rockers". I love how the music video is made with psychedelic dream questioning kinda way. The music, all I can say is psychedelic kinda house flavoured electronic music and mind wrecking lyrics that questions between what you want and what you get.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Kid Cudi - Make Her Say ft. Kanye West, Common



I have a new found respect for Kanye west and Kid cudi where they try to against those stereotype inside Hip hop music from past that its all should be about Gangsters, girls, money and cars. I'm tired of these lame homophobic and sexist ghetto rappers but Kanye west and Kid cudi gave fresh breath for hip hop or music. Songs on different topic other than the typical rap songs. Fashion sense that is more acceptable for me than the extra large T-shirts and baggy pants to show that your dick is too big? Anyway, I Just love the artistic touch in these music video and beat of the song is great ( kanye is more daring in experimenting with different music). Kudos to Common ( he also one kind of different classy rapper). Hope comes more avant-garde style based music and artists from this genre.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Metropolitan Rats




See there the rats are running,oh sory they are humans
I thought they were cockroaches that like to rush for no reason

The city seems don,t have enough space
thats why they race and fighting for the mace
Sweaty and sticky people all over the stage

Oh! see there the old man making the subways his bed
Just now i saw a young man dancing so mad
What they are searching in life is just wealth
How about sudden death? The grave and future after that.



Ps: I wrote this when waiting for bus in Kuala Lumpur, where I'm tired of this rat race

Feelings again


The feelings is like water
Never rest or takes shelter
Changing trough the senses
While jumping the life fences

Same old feeling comes again
Same old song listened again
Same old dreams haunting again
Same old heart cries again

Can,t stop the way it move
can,t stop the way it leads
Can,t stop the wat it disgrace
Can,t stop the way it tears

Keep going with as the feeling flows
Like a river water and the stone
One way it burns and hurts
One day it dies and rots

Friday, January 21, 2011

Brain vs Mind?




What is mind? is it a particle of brain or an independent subject? but does it resides? within our body limit or outside our body? If outside our body then how it looks? what colour? what is the size? and mainly what is the function?

When I ask this question towards several people, they get confuse and can't answer or they will say " don't think too much" ok, thinking too much is a work of brain or mind?

I started this question when I started to research about scientific Dualism and Non-dualism ( don't get confused with spiritual dualism & non dualism) where there is a long debate about the subject MIND. Where Dualist says that mind are different particle from body and non dualist is vice versa. It is really a deep and confusing subject where I find out that Brain is responsible for the logical function in us but what does mind do? Happiness is caused by brain or mind? Some thinks that following brain is the right way but imagine that our brains only knows logical function that means when we see a women that our brains tells that you can have sex with her no matter she is our family member or others because according to logical its just a men and women but there a certain feelings that will say " thats your mother,sister or etc" that prevent us from performing such acts. So, can we say that feelings came from mind?

On another point in found out that our Mind seeks pleasure. I can say mind will always starve for happiness but if it doesn't get it then it can cause depression? One thing that plays in my mind is between sexual desire and lust. In my opinion, brain creates the sexual desire where logically but maybe brain is also influenced by certain taboos or culture that been infused by certain society like taboo of homosexuality and incest. But Mind is a pleasure seeker. So, it doesn't care for taboos or cultures but using lust as its tool to enjoy the pleasure. So, its like the brain causes sexual desire or arousal but Mind starts the sexual imagination.

Brain always stick to reality where in arts we call it REALISM but Mind is about SURREALISM where it is out of reality. An easy example is like Punks are brain where they stick to reality issues and Hippies are Mind where they tend to experiment with hallucinations and imaginative pleasures. So, these brain and mind subject affects Arts in realistic or surrealistic way.

Some may think that brain and mind are cooperative and needs each other but I think these both parties in conflict position. Brain knows what you should do for your existence in this reality but Mind only cares for pleasure or happiness. So, I find that happiness and reality won't go hand by hand, for example " Mind thinks of drinking alcohol and having fun with friends but Brain will think that you better don't drink because it will affect your health and study hard for your future". So, we can see that these two entities are maybe in conflict position towards each other. Another example I can give is when your legs are injured but friends are asking for a football game where mind while think of the enjoyment of the football match but Brain will think of consequences to your legs injury and will tell you not to play. Then, its up to you to follow brain's or mind's instruction.

I'm still observing and analyzing on these new question on my mind or brain? So, as conclusion for now, I can say that brain and mind are racing to control us but we can't control brain easily because its a logical machine. Brain control us the most but Mind control our behaviour. So, sometimes we maybe need a balance between brain and mind but if we let mind control ourself totally then maybe we have to face some problems that caused by pleasure seeking but if brain controls too much then there is no happiness in your life ( most of the people nowadays are living according to brain that turns them into materialistic working machine except some artistic people who get the minds call)but Mind are very powerful in giving positive energy too where it can even spread the energy or vibes to others and get connected where brain is just selfish. So, both Mind and brain are important, just you decide which you want.

All the things in this article are not scientifically proven, its just my observation.

Naked spiritual Love of John & yoko


Thou Art my Love


My heart filled with smell of pure love
The moment of sound and sight hit my mind
All the dead flowers falls to the earth, all the new flowers grows
The vibration of hurricane in veins, calm in heart like saints, restlessness in mind

Clean altar of feelings opens the door for breath of angels
A pack of cupids on my back, flying all over my head too
Sounds they are dead, voices are speechless,sights are narrow
To see thou walk trough that doors, thousand of birth I wait

The dark flows on shoulders, smell of my love took over the scene
Like never before, all sudden happiness like angels in heaven getting married
Actions fades away, memories just stay as thou fade away
Words burns out, actions fade away, memories stays,love stays,feelings stays

So long and then what?




Dah lama tak menulis kat blog yang kudik dan berkurap ni. My whole life changed now, when I started this blog I was a SAMPAH/JUNKIE/PAPA'S SQUATTER but sekarang dah setahun aku masuk ke UNIVERSITY tooot toooooot taking so called Foundation in Arts. Now in 4th semester actually its a repeat semester for those papers I failed in 1st,2nd and 3rd semesters. Its been one year of roller coaster ride untuk aku. Dari jumpa balik my worst nightmare that is FAKKIN MATHEMATICS yang aku failed 1st semester. Ok, the worst is yet to come ( actually its a LOVE STORY :D) where 1st time dalam hidup aku FALL IN LOVE kaw2 ( sampai syurga or maybe hell?) with the most cutest (maybe only for me lar) AHMOI on earth. I meet her 1st day of 2nd semester sociology class, when she opened the door.fuhhhhh thats it, one blow saja aku jadi GILAAA lebih GILAA dari Orang paling GILAA.Her pet name is CAHAYA MATAHARI (translate to english :P)

From I don't know her, to know her and bla..bla..bla I told her my feelings then bla..bla..bla she never gives a answer...bla bla bla misunderstanding bla..bla..bla then I became an alcohol addict again ( I quite alcohol since form 5 with some Hare Krishna and sXe will). Now I trying to forget her by acting COOL ( bajet rockstar macam Pink) but I always ended up fail by keep on thinking and keeping faith on her but did she know? I don't know:(

Is it too lame or jiwang? well I LOVE TO LOVE ( sometimes hate to love but hate to hate?) The next shit thing is "NOW I'M A OFFICIALLY A CHAIN SMOKER THAT SMOKES ILLEGAL CHEAP CIGARETTES e.g Paradox,Canyon and D&J" amount of TAR in my lungs can be used to build MRR3 highway? Then, bla..bla..bla I get problems from some gangster shits or maybe just wannabes only where until I act like a gangster shit too and messed up with police that almost cost my future. Ok, then I face the same problems again with MY FUCKIN OWN RACE THAT HATES ME SOO MUCH BECAUSE OF MY SKINNY JEANS, MOP TOP HAIR AND IMPORTANTLY PEOPLE THAT I HANGOUT ( where 70% of my friends are Malays and 20% and more are chinese) FUCK MY OWN RACE SUPREMACISTS DICKHEAD CHAV NIGAAZ WANNABE ASSHOLES ( FUCK RACISM).

Ok, leave that shit behind, then I started to know how powerful is money for certain people who always KIRA-KIRA one ( unluckily my friends but luckily they are good in other aspects). Then, I LEARNED TO STUDY? Oh yaa, I FORMED A NEW THREE PIECE BAND CALLED THE WASTED :D ( dah main 2 gig, still the old angsty shits I compose and is resting now because of studies) Other than that, aku nowadays digging for some old skool POST-PUNK things (POST-PUNK ARE FUCKIN COOL THAN UNIFORM WEARING 24 HOURS POLITICAL PUNKS?) Knowledge falsafah aku bertambah, Ideologies aku makin POWER!!! AND GETTING FUCKIN LIBERAL and SECULAR:D

Ok ( to myself: finish it here or you will getting more LAME) I just started my 4th semester that will decide my entrance to DEGREE IN MASS COMM.....arghhhhhhhhhh MATHEMATICS comes again, fakkkkkkkkkkkk I'm scared but bit confident that I can face these SATANIC MATHEMATICS ( Thanks for Coldplay, Julian Casablanas, Indie rock? Hipster? facebook? Lookbook? bla..bla..bla ) Oh yaa, the last thing, I TURNED INTO A FUCKIN CRAZY FAN OF TH LIBERTINES, BABYSHAMBLES, PETER DOHERTY<3<3<3 AND THE STROKES<3<3<3<3. ( I love ILLUMINATI&FREEMASONS? Yeah, NWO rawkksssssssss :P BYE EYB

Ps: sorry for being a lame fucktard for writting all of these shits on my head)