Saturday, December 24, 2011

Sebab? Rasional? Existential?




Sebab? Apakah perlunya sebab apabila kewujudan itu bersifat huru-hara.
Tenaga yang terus berlaga dan bersaing mengunakan entiti-entiti manusia sebagai alat tanpa disedari, tanpa persetujuan, entiti kita dilepaskan ke dalam pemberontakan kosmos ini.
Persetujuan itu sendiri sebenarnya tidak wujud kerana titik permulaan kewujudan adalah melalui paksaan tenaga-tenaga yang berlaku tanpa sebab. Pemikiran rasional itu boleh dikatakan separa ilusi atau tampak sebagai sepenuhnya illusi jika kita sedar akan sengsara dan meletakan diri kita pada posisi yang menentang arus.

Apakah sebab kewujudan? Mungkin Tuhan menjadi jawapan. Tetapi bila ditanya apakah punca kewujudan Tuhan? Jawapan? Tuhan memang wujud, tidak diwujudkan tetapi bagaimana jika kita berkata dunia juga memang wujud, tanpa suatu punca atau sebab dan akan terus wujud sehingga detik infiniti? Konflik akan tercetus antara golongan Theist dan Atheist dan golongan seperti agnostic mungkin dapat menjauhkan diri mereka dari konflik ini dengan menjadikan diri mereka suatu konflik. Konflik yang dipenuhi penafian atas dasar kegembiraan? Atau perasaan hilang punca.

Persoalan-persoalan existential ini tidak mampu dijawab sepenuhnya kerana existence itu tanpa punca atau sebab yang pasti dan jalan pencarian jawapan untuk soalan-soalan ini sangat sukar secara fizikal dan lebih sukar secara mental yang akan mungkin akan kemberi satu jawapan yang amat rasional, yang terakhir di dalam minda seorang pencari kebenaran yang sedar, iaitu Kematian ( membunuh diri sendiri ) atau boleh dikatakan sebagai menamatkan kewujudan itu sendiri. Bagi aku, penyelesaian ini memberi makna kepada perkataan rasional itu sendiri yang sebelum ini tampak sebagai salah satu ilusi dialam kewujudan yang mungkin juga ilusi ( ketidak- wujudan ) ? ...

( Imej dari Google )

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Russian Roulette and Dextromorphan




Inspired by nothing but The Maharaja Commission and dextromorphan.

Tak ada apa


Ada tiang lampu berwarna oren .
Ada manusia gila berdiri ;
merenung tiang tersebut selama 360 hari ,
tetapi dia masih tak tahu kenapa dia di sini .

Haiwan-haiwan cakap " Nanti awak masuk Neraka ".

Orang gila jawab " Sorry, saya tak ada Agama dan saya tak nampak apa-apa ".

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Apakah Merdeka?


Apakah Merdeka jika Lina Joy masih di benci?

Apakah Merdeka jika menjadi Homosexual itu jenayah?

Apakah Merdeka jika mengkritik Agama boleh membawa maut?

Apakah Merdeka jika Bangsa dan Agama menjadi titik bersatu?

Apakah merdeka jika Rakyat menjadi anjing politik?

Apakah Merdeka jika Hak individu tidak wujud?

Apakah Merdeka jika Kemanusiaan telah dilupakan?

Apakah Merdeka jika kita hidup tanpa Ilmu?

Apakah Merdeka jika Sejarah itu telah dipadam?

Apakah Merdeka jika golongan tertindas terus ditindas?

Apakah Merdeka jika Kerajaan dan Pembangkang masih diagung- agungkan?

Apakah Merdeka jika Agama adalah Tuhan?

Apakah Merdeka jika Kasih Sayang telah mati?

Apakah Merdeka di negara ini?

31 Ogos adalah satu Illusi .

( Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan )

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Anchor Strong dan Tasik Kampar


Emosi yang huru-hara dikala menghadap Tasik Kampar ,
Organ dalaman membara sambil bermandi-mandi dengan
sejenis Arak yang dipanggil Beer.

Beer biasa bukan setaraf kecelaruaan minda aku.
Jadi , aku menelan beer yang lebih kuat ( extra strong ).

Memang aku tak suka rasa ini yang pahit , panas
dan bagaikan makanan basi tetapi aku mahukan kemabukannya ,
terpaksa untuk menjadi mabuk untuk berlari ke dunia khayalan ,
meningalkan segala rasa kecewa atau untuk memberi Imej
kepada perasaan kecewa yang bernanah menjadi Kejahilan.

Perut dipenuhi dengan gas-gas yang membuatku mual , nak termuntah,
tapi semasa aku menulis catatan ini ,
Aku masih menunggu kemabukan untuk mengambil alih diriku,
demi melupakan dunia yang amat Gampang , jahil dan busuk.

Dengan sebatang Rokok Suria ( gudang garam ) ku habiskan,
SELAMAT TINGGAL REALITI. ( 31 / 5 / 2011 )

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Bipolar Runaway



Wandering , starring at this ocean, the original existence,
Sands bitting the feets like baby ants. Now, I go into ecstasy,
While smell of fishes dissolved into smell of breeze,
while the cloud is getting dark, night is about to come.
Now, they came and hold my hands,
Brought me into a place that I can't understand,
It was a place between the sky and the sea,
I'm walking on it without drowning or falling,
The pathway was a narrow , flat , squarish tunnel;
where my right side was painted in Red and my left side was Blue.

The two persons that brought me here showed their face,
One looks White with three eyes,
The another looks Black with only One eyes.
The white person gave me an eyeglasses,
and wrote number Two on my chest then she disappeared.
The black person just gave me a deep kiss,
his saliva tastes like Alcohol and Vagina.
Then, He draw number Zero on my forehead and disappeared.

Now , I'm alone and I keep on walking trough the tunnel,
all I can see was Red and Blue colours.

Finally , after 20 years walking trough the tunnel,
I came to an end , it was a dark wall in front of me ;
with nothing else than a mirror hanging on it.
I saw face for the first time after 20 years,
It is still the same me;
but now my skin turned into Purple colour.
The zero on my forehead has turned into an Eye, it is closed;
So I tried to open the eyes,
The eyes opened and suddenly I'm on the seaside again,
laying on the sand, naked , alone and it was Morning.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Between Love and Hate : Anomie






Inspired by Syd Barrett and my fucked up mind. Done by my fingers and God.
No brushes or animals ? involved in the process.

Existence



Agama illusi , Kejahilan itu meditasi




Kewujudan itu hanya satu illusi , tiada yang pasti.

Kebencian itu realiti , kebenaran hakiki,

Untuk Sang pemimpi , Sang pencinta ,

Ini bukanlah apa yang dipinta.


Keganasan bukan imaginasi dan cinta itu bukan realiti.

Kesengsaraan bermaharajalela.

Dengan sedikit kejahilan , kehidupan mampu dilalui,

Kejahilan itu meditasi.

Pejamlah mata , jangan dibuka sampai bila-bila ,

Teruskan menjadi buta.


Perungkaian misteri itu adalah sesuatu yang perit ,

Anutilah agama illusi , Hidup akan tampak berseri ?


Image from Google.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Aku, Aku & Aku Narcissist


Mahluk paling sombong? Cermin mengatakan ianya Aku.
Aku angkuh dalam fikiranku, angkuh dengan pemikiranku.
Aku angkuh dengan ilmu, pengalaman , melodi, tulisan....
dan segalanya adalah Aku.
Aku benci akan SIMPATI pada masa yang sama
Aku menagih perhatian dan kasih sayang secara Abstrak.
Aku benci untuk bergantung, tergantung atau dikonkong.
Aku mahu bebas, bebas dari segala-galanya,
Aku adalah kebebasan.
Aku adalah kebencian yang di benci.
Aku adalah cinta yang bercinta. Engkau adalah aku tapi,
Aku bukanlah engkau.
Aku adalah alam semesta.
Aku penyajak paling agung.
Aku pemuzik paling ikhlas.
Aku manusia paling hebat.

AKU ADALAH KEBENARAN, KEBENARAN ADALAH AKU.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Peristiwa 13 Mei ( 2011 )



Malam ini aku menangis, air mata dipaksa
menitis oleh emosi yang membara , meracun minda.

Tiada siapa bersama, untuk menghisap air mata ini.
Keseorangan dalam kesakitan, hanya sekotak rokok,
yang menjadi teman hidup, sahabat terbaik untuk selama ini.

Setiap sedutan nikotina berperisa tembakau dihisap,
ke dalam paru-paru, semakin aku sedar akan realiti.
Realiti hidup yang mencengkam,
Harapan yang seringkali berkecai,
Kepercayaan yang hanya palsu,
Persahabatan yang menyontot perbandingan ;
melahirkan hasad dengki yang membesar dan akan menjadi,
Pelacur pendendam yang kental.
Pengkhianatan Imaginasi.

Berpura-pura memadam kesedihan untuk mengembirakan mu,
melegakan kerisauanmu tentang aku.
Kerisauan kerana kita bergantung antara satu sama lain,
Realiti yang aku tidak mahukan namun aku percayakan mu,
Wahai Sahabat.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Aku Bukan Lelaki




Lelaki berderia Tujuh, terjun dari rahim Si Ibu,
melalui pintu utama derita ke lembah segala derita.

Lelaki rohaninya wanita, seringkali terlupa rohnya,
Melihat satu batang berjuntai, dua biji bola,
disaluti kegelapan yang kental.

Lelaki misteri membesar dengan kenjantanan menari
kepada irama Illusi. Gagal untuk bersembunyi,
Di kala batang memberontak, halusinsi keji, nafsu di saji.

Lelaki perogol seni, tersedar kembali, batangnya hanya illusi.
Dia wanita yang lembik, penuh dengan Emosi;
Imaginasi berahi, teramat jijik, melangkaui batas Si moralis.
Tiada moral untuk lelaki ini.

Lelaki Iblis bertuhan, berkawan dengan setan dan mahluk pelik.
Terkeliru dengan identiti, menipu untuk bersembunyi kecuali bila dia berseni,
atau berkomunikasi dengan diri sendiri.

Lelaki bertuhankan bunyi, di benci dan di puji,
topengnya amat strategik apabila dia menulis puisi ini.


Aku bukan lelaki, bukan wanita. Pencinta yang kalah.

Mr. Devil



Mr.Mind got hammered , doom doom , cracked.
Crackers set on fire trough out nerves , spoiled nerves.
Eyes exploded, eyes open , Devil is by myside.

Past present frustrations reach the end , end of sanity.
Bang Bang, I'm dead. Dead on my bed.

Mr. Devil attended my funeral and said " Bye Bye and now go regret".
He left me with a nasty deeply sarcastic smile and also his visiting card.
Written , " Visit me in Hell, if you need my help",
With a picture of him that is a mirror.
It's myself.

I kept the visiting card secretly in the wallet ; so incase I need his help,
I can call Mr.Devil back and till then he will take some rest , in myself.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

PARTIMELOVERS




Intense, energetic and freaking 80's. That is my simplified definition of KL based Post-punk heroes PARTIMELOVERS. They catch my attention trough their "just came back from my office( Joy Division ) " dressing style and look. For information about this band check out their Facebook page ( PARTIMELOVERS ).

From their recent gig I went at Ipoh, I manage to get their demo and I didn't regret.

"THIS" Its the first song on the demo. This song has good melody with high intensity and abusing Rawness in the vocal from Mohd Zulfadli. The sound is not too complicated but perfectly fornicated as a piece of art.

"BLUE SPOT" This track compiles the sadness or better to say MELANCHOLY of 80's. Great song to listen inside Car while its raining outside ( from my own experience ).

"PAST" Yes, this is my personal favorite track. This track runs away from typical post-punk sound with some 70's Punk rock based riffs and drumming that gives me a splash of CHAMPAGNE+ COCAINE in my head. The lyric is simple and strong enough to catch my tongue everytime I play it.

Its a great band with enough mixture of attitude, intensity, RAWNESS and definitely POST-PUNK sound. The demo is worth for RAW & ENERGETIC post-punk sound addicts. Do check them out. Other than that, they're also regular performers and friends of KL based Post-punk community called DANCE PUNK PARTY(DPP) So, check out their Facebook page to discover their great bands and events.

P A R T I M E L O V E R S

Monday, April 11, 2011

Nihilistic Night



" No future" the term that was a mantra for Punk generation after Sex pistols. Sid vicious? Yes, he lived nihilistic and died holding to that mantra.
Now, its about my life, a fucked up bittersweet life; filled with confusion.

My " rebellion without a reason " phase was nihilistic, atheistic or agnostic. Nirvana's songs always running on the mind, everytime came back from Internet centers ( I don't have a computer in the house ) after watching some tribute to Kurt cobain videos, I will get so excited then I will rip more jeans and smoking proudly while images of Kurt in my mind.

Okay, I will stop about these past time craps ( continue on other the future articles )
Now its about now, I'm alive and complete in these present time while erasing my bright and extra dark dark past. The kinkiest, lust driven things I've done, with no regret, all the secrets buried inside me but still haunting as ghosts. But I shouldn't look at the dark side instead the brightside of my past, the music, the band, the friends, the concerts, the sweats in the gigs. Its all colorful and bittersweet but whats now?

Going trough this studying phase, I should be in my degree course by now but early recklessness gave me failure, its not to blame only myself eventhough I should but the subject that I'm struggling from the past till now is Mathematics. Maybe I'm too imaginative till my logical brain hard to activate. Numbers? My brain has a filter for that. Now, its my last and decisive semester where I have to pass and get trough degree or DIE?

Amazingly my depression is getting serious where I assume it is Bipolar Disorder. This disorder known for famous artists/thinkers as it also becomes the source of idea and creativity. Maybe I'm too pretentious or just want attention but for sure there is a big problem in my mental; I don't take any medicines or even visit consultants; I can't afford to do so and my parents won't understand my problems neither the society.

The last stick that I was holding for my Parkinson ( irony ) was Spirituality, in detail it was Hare Krishna movement that I was attracted when I was 16 years old, I felt so clean, so happy but now I lost it all including my life as a lacto vegetarian and animal rights activist due to heavy emotional problem caused by LOVE. After spirituality, She gave me the light but after 6 months I lost that light too, with some scratch, a lot of alcohol;cigarettes and with a great song.

Yes, the small light that burning now in the midst of all these struggle are my music. As I'm moving more serious as a solo performer, the Girl ( the girl that I loved and got hurt ) inspired my or maybe its just a magic that a simple song with a great melody comes out. Maybe thats the reason destiny made me meet her; to write that magical song that seems like boosting my musical career.

Maybe its just another of my wild dreams but I have a magical feelings that the song will bring me far, save me from this system of hell. Numbers of listeners are increasing and see what will happen in the coming times. For sure, now I have something to hold, to survive if I failed in my education. Fail or pass but I'm destined for this, to lyrics, to apply melody as a commercial piece of art. Sounds too over confidence? Dream on said John Lennon.

Tonight, while I'm writing these accompanied by Velvet underground songs, I'm feeling so weak. Like everything is out of place including me; All the people seems like alien for me or maybe I am alien for them except my one and only good friend now, without him I will lost deep into darkness. So called God bless him. But I'm growing hatred for the people who used to be good or just friends. I just can't stand their richness, their lies; their attitude. I'm planning to leave this place, actually I should leave this place, this fascist narrow minded community or sometimes just wanted to leave this world. Politics, revolution? earthquakes, global warming and 2012 is coming? 2012?

For now my best wish or prayer is let it all comes to an end, 2012 or 2011 or 2013, if its really going to end than I would be happy but give me a early sign first so I can leave behind all these struggle and start my pursuit of happiness before the END. Its just a hope, a hope made of confusion, maybe tomorrow will be brighter and I will pray to prevent the end? Who knows, for tonight this is the END.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

New Love


Illusion in the Art, dreams of crazy Rock 'n' Roll.

Like John's Yoko, and Sid's Nancy.

Butterflies that strive for flowers with unlimited honey

Like beggar who saw money, socialist who love to complaining.

Lizards that found castle of insects, like Nazi's found Aryan's history,

Like pastors who found Christ and sinner who found pastors.

Can she hit me more deeply? Yes she does.

Si Kehidupan



Aku sesat, sesat dalam kegelapan minda, minda berkudis . Otak bernanah
Semuanya pedih, pedih bagai jantungku diperam dalam cili. Ingin ku membeli,membeli maut.
Cahaya yang cerah, cerah bagai matahari tapi itu masa lampau, sekarang kiamat, kiamat dalam diri.
Lari, lari dan terus berlari, laluan yang seluas langit tapi kehidupan sesempit otak, otak kehidupan.
Peritnya kesakitan, kesakitan yang perit, ubatnya muntah, muntah syaitan, muntah badang,
Muntah lirik, muntah melodi, muntah bunyi, muntah mani. Tercinta dan termakan taik.
“Hidup” kata si kehidupan, “takut” kata yang beragama, “Ikut” kata yang berbangsa ,
Tapi aku hanya manusia, bukan golongan mu, bukan pegangan mu,
Neraka bukan untuk aku, syurga aku tak mahu. “Agama”? Oh busuknya perkataan itu ,
Busuknya pegangan mu, busuknya najis aku tapi tidaklah sebusuk si kehidupan,
Si kehidupan berbelah bahagi, si kehidupan yang percaya, yang mengikut , yang di kongkong ,
Di ludah, meludah dan aku terludah, padamu si kehidupan.
Si kehidupan yang busuk, suka mengulum kontol, kontol si kehidupan buta,
Butanya mani si kehidupan, tapi manis juga kontolnya di mulut mu,
Hisap, hisap dan terus menghisap sehingga darah dan maninya kering , keringlah sekali kesabaranku.
Keringlah harapanku, cintaku, pandanganku.
Terpancut, terpancut lagi kemarahanku,
Aku jilat pancutanku sendiri, sampai suatu pagi, semuanya akan berakhir.
Berakhirlah kamu si kehidupan.

Rich, honey, pussy and clubbing

See these rich peoples tales, heads are high and they live so fake
Getting all in one call, spending like hell what the daddy earned,
Daddy love the daughter, But daddy see, she is giving her pussy for free?
Sorry, that rich kid has Lamborghini, thousands of money so she is giving her pussy.
Don't forget, he also own backyard bitches in bikini.


Weekdays working, weekends clubbing, drinking the most expensive
Joined by other rich kids, the talk is all about money. You girl, he call you "honey"
But when your pussy dries out of honey, he leaves you hanging.
Yeah, he will give you some money, but now you're a prostitute, Honey.
Bye bye to him, you start finding another bitch, a male bitch.


He goes for another pussy. Oh, thats so easy, since he got money.
Pussy comes to him, he got money, Love? Its a good joke
Its a joke for the rich, its fake for the realist and yes, you are a joke in my eyes.
You're a pity joke, Pity? Its because I love you not you PUSSY.
Anyway baby, you boyfriend is calling, go and join him for clubbing.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A Black-on-Black Discussion of Black Racism


This topic may infuriate many of my fellow blacks. I am talking about black monolithic thinking and black racism.

Black actor Michael Clarke Duncan is probably best known for his brilliant performance in the movie The Green Mile. I watched a Steve Harvey special on BET (Black Entertainment Television). Harvey was on stage in a hall filled with a mostly black audience. He criticized Duncan for playing an ape in the 2001 Planet of the Apes movie. Harvey said that Duncan playing an ape would set blacks back many years. He said he asked Duncan, "How much are they paying you to play an ape?" The black audience enthusiastically agreed with Harvey. Harvey even said that when Duncan appeared on his radio show, several black callers pressured him to chastise Duncan for accepting the role.

Am I crazy, or is Harvey's and his audience's problem with Duncan playing an ape absurd? White and black actors played apes in the movie. Once in full ape makeup, it is impossible to distinguish who is black or white. How is Duncan harming or betraying his race?

In typical "groupthink" fashion instilled in the black community by their black liberal plantation overseers and Democrats over the years, the independent-minded black actor was expected to turn down a role in a major motion picture to appease an erroneous perception.

Of course, I realize that whites have called us monkeys and apes in the past. But what does that have to do with Duncan playing a role? Will whites say, "Duncan played the role so well, perhaps blacks really are monkeys"? The black criticism of Duncan is based on paranoia and a bit of racism -- kind of a "we know how those white folks think" attitude. "How much are they paying you to play an ape?" asked Harvey. Isn't it fair to assume that Harvey is really asking Duncan, "How much are they paying you to betray your people?"

Black presidential candidate Barack Obama receiving 96% of the black vote can be described only as an example of groupthink and racism. I caught heck for not sheepishly following the lead of my fellow blacks in voting for and worshiping at the feet of their Great Black Hope. How dare I ignore Obama's skin color and scrutinize this man seeking to be elected leader of the free world?

Blacks expected me to ignore Obama's associations with radial America-haters, his voting three times against protecting babies who survive abortions, and his socialist agenda of redistribution of wealth. Black America decided that Obama's skin color trumped everything, and I had better get in step. As Rev. Wright said, "I am tired of Negroes who just don't get it!"

Such attacks against black individuality and attempts of control by an indoctrinated black community and liberals truly offend me. I am an individual who happens to be black. My race is the human race. And yet, do I enjoy seeing blacks succeed outside of the box set for them by liberals? Absolutely, because I am sick of liberals and black overseers dictating what is considered acceptable black behavior. Black overseers (Sharpton and company) were not outraged because Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, but they were offended by his choice to have affairs with white women.

In urban communities where black male school dropout rates have reached epidemic levels, studious and articulate blacks are accused of trying to be white.

I never dreamed that we blacks would need to be liberated from ourselves. Like all humans, blacks are extremely diverse in their talents, tastes, and desires. We must stop allowing ourselves to be manipulated and intimidated into collectively voting for Democrats in order to keep Sharpton, Jackson, and the NAACP employed.

Though our ancestors came to America on slave ships, we blacks are extremely blessed to be born in the greatest nation on the planet. It is time we let go of the past. Yes, I know this will infuriate and shock some of you (race profiteers), but it is true. Black overseers and liberals must stop exploiting America's past sins and viewing America from a 1950 point of view. For the sake of our children, blacks must see America for what it truly is today: a wonderful country where if the Obama administration would simply get out of the way, anyone with an idea, a dream, and a willingness to work can succeed. It is time to end "groupthink" and black racism and celebrate individuality and independence.




PS:I found this article on a website which talks about reverse racism or Blacks racism against other blacks. Try to relate this situation in our country's context. Like me, where being discriminated by other Indians by accusing me " ACTING MALAY". Try to understand this article deeply. I created a reference for this article to avoid any copyright issues.


Reference : Marcus, L. (2010, January 16). Articles. In A Black-on-Black Discussion of Black Racism. Retrieved
from http://www.americanthinker.com

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Significant others



I am an African immigrant gay black man, and I have seen a lot. I was almost killed in the "hood" for being effeminate...way before I knew I was gay. When I went to school in New York I was able to express my sense of freedom through clothing. In Malcom X's journey he was Detroit Red in a Zoot Suite effin white woman and doing coke before becoming a Prophet and returning to a sex negative normative leadership (after racial ambiguity and family dispersal). Malcolm was eulogized as our shining black prince. That says it all. As a black community we have not been able to fear our fathers, love and want our mothers, desire and love our men, freely revolutionize our family relations without illegitimacy, freely love, expressively sex, artistically depict without a white gaze, materially manifest without a religious ceiling, spiritually explore within a liberal space of divinity, dance danger and tarry the temporal, be tender and not surrender, combine sensuality and the struggle, sing and hone silence, dress for subsistence - success - suffering -sobriety - sustenance...ALL AT THE SAME TIME. We are but have never Been.



ps : The problem this guy faced is similar to what I'm facing as a Indian guy who
listens to indie rock/feminin than masculin and look different from other. The
only thing different is I'm not homosexual but if I'm a Homo then I will be
proud of that, no place for homophobia in my eyes.



http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-05-06/does-kanye-dress-too-gay/3/

Pursuit Of Happiness (Megaforce Version)



Feel the artistic innovation and imagination in the music and video. Something is on with this kid that attracts me. Kid cudi featured MGMT in this track where shows his appreciation for one of the hated people by Rappers that is "so called Indie rockers". I love how the music video is made with psychedelic dream questioning kinda way. The music, all I can say is psychedelic kinda house flavoured electronic music and mind wrecking lyrics that questions between what you want and what you get.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Kid Cudi - Make Her Say ft. Kanye West, Common



I have a new found respect for Kanye west and Kid cudi where they try to against those stereotype inside Hip hop music from past that its all should be about Gangsters, girls, money and cars. I'm tired of these lame homophobic and sexist ghetto rappers but Kanye west and Kid cudi gave fresh breath for hip hop or music. Songs on different topic other than the typical rap songs. Fashion sense that is more acceptable for me than the extra large T-shirts and baggy pants to show that your dick is too big? Anyway, I Just love the artistic touch in these music video and beat of the song is great ( kanye is more daring in experimenting with different music). Kudos to Common ( he also one kind of different classy rapper). Hope comes more avant-garde style based music and artists from this genre.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Metropolitan Rats




See there the rats are running,oh sory they are humans
I thought they were cockroaches that like to rush for no reason

The city seems don,t have enough space
thats why they race and fighting for the mace
Sweaty and sticky people all over the stage

Oh! see there the old man making the subways his bed
Just now i saw a young man dancing so mad
What they are searching in life is just wealth
How about sudden death? The grave and future after that.



Ps: I wrote this when waiting for bus in Kuala Lumpur, where I'm tired of this rat race

Feelings again


The feelings is like water
Never rest or takes shelter
Changing trough the senses
While jumping the life fences

Same old feeling comes again
Same old song listened again
Same old dreams haunting again
Same old heart cries again

Can,t stop the way it move
can,t stop the way it leads
Can,t stop the wat it disgrace
Can,t stop the way it tears

Keep going with as the feeling flows
Like a river water and the stone
One way it burns and hurts
One day it dies and rots

Friday, January 21, 2011

Brain vs Mind?




What is mind? is it a particle of brain or an independent subject? but does it resides? within our body limit or outside our body? If outside our body then how it looks? what colour? what is the size? and mainly what is the function?

When I ask this question towards several people, they get confuse and can't answer or they will say " don't think too much" ok, thinking too much is a work of brain or mind?

I started this question when I started to research about scientific Dualism and Non-dualism ( don't get confused with spiritual dualism & non dualism) where there is a long debate about the subject MIND. Where Dualist says that mind are different particle from body and non dualist is vice versa. It is really a deep and confusing subject where I find out that Brain is responsible for the logical function in us but what does mind do? Happiness is caused by brain or mind? Some thinks that following brain is the right way but imagine that our brains only knows logical function that means when we see a women that our brains tells that you can have sex with her no matter she is our family member or others because according to logical its just a men and women but there a certain feelings that will say " thats your mother,sister or etc" that prevent us from performing such acts. So, can we say that feelings came from mind?

On another point in found out that our Mind seeks pleasure. I can say mind will always starve for happiness but if it doesn't get it then it can cause depression? One thing that plays in my mind is between sexual desire and lust. In my opinion, brain creates the sexual desire where logically but maybe brain is also influenced by certain taboos or culture that been infused by certain society like taboo of homosexuality and incest. But Mind is a pleasure seeker. So, it doesn't care for taboos or cultures but using lust as its tool to enjoy the pleasure. So, its like the brain causes sexual desire or arousal but Mind starts the sexual imagination.

Brain always stick to reality where in arts we call it REALISM but Mind is about SURREALISM where it is out of reality. An easy example is like Punks are brain where they stick to reality issues and Hippies are Mind where they tend to experiment with hallucinations and imaginative pleasures. So, these brain and mind subject affects Arts in realistic or surrealistic way.

Some may think that brain and mind are cooperative and needs each other but I think these both parties in conflict position. Brain knows what you should do for your existence in this reality but Mind only cares for pleasure or happiness. So, I find that happiness and reality won't go hand by hand, for example " Mind thinks of drinking alcohol and having fun with friends but Brain will think that you better don't drink because it will affect your health and study hard for your future". So, we can see that these two entities are maybe in conflict position towards each other. Another example I can give is when your legs are injured but friends are asking for a football game where mind while think of the enjoyment of the football match but Brain will think of consequences to your legs injury and will tell you not to play. Then, its up to you to follow brain's or mind's instruction.

I'm still observing and analyzing on these new question on my mind or brain? So, as conclusion for now, I can say that brain and mind are racing to control us but we can't control brain easily because its a logical machine. Brain control us the most but Mind control our behaviour. So, sometimes we maybe need a balance between brain and mind but if we let mind control ourself totally then maybe we have to face some problems that caused by pleasure seeking but if brain controls too much then there is no happiness in your life ( most of the people nowadays are living according to brain that turns them into materialistic working machine except some artistic people who get the minds call)but Mind are very powerful in giving positive energy too where it can even spread the energy or vibes to others and get connected where brain is just selfish. So, both Mind and brain are important, just you decide which you want.

All the things in this article are not scientifically proven, its just my observation.

Naked spiritual Love of John & yoko


Thou Art my Love


My heart filled with smell of pure love
The moment of sound and sight hit my mind
All the dead flowers falls to the earth, all the new flowers grows
The vibration of hurricane in veins, calm in heart like saints, restlessness in mind

Clean altar of feelings opens the door for breath of angels
A pack of cupids on my back, flying all over my head too
Sounds they are dead, voices are speechless,sights are narrow
To see thou walk trough that doors, thousand of birth I wait

The dark flows on shoulders, smell of my love took over the scene
Like never before, all sudden happiness like angels in heaven getting married
Actions fades away, memories just stay as thou fade away
Words burns out, actions fade away, memories stays,love stays,feelings stays

So long and then what?




Dah lama tak menulis kat blog yang kudik dan berkurap ni. My whole life changed now, when I started this blog I was a SAMPAH/JUNKIE/PAPA'S SQUATTER but sekarang dah setahun aku masuk ke UNIVERSITY tooot toooooot taking so called Foundation in Arts. Now in 4th semester actually its a repeat semester for those papers I failed in 1st,2nd and 3rd semesters. Its been one year of roller coaster ride untuk aku. Dari jumpa balik my worst nightmare that is FAKKIN MATHEMATICS yang aku failed 1st semester. Ok, the worst is yet to come ( actually its a LOVE STORY :D) where 1st time dalam hidup aku FALL IN LOVE kaw2 ( sampai syurga or maybe hell?) with the most cutest (maybe only for me lar) AHMOI on earth. I meet her 1st day of 2nd semester sociology class, when she opened the door.fuhhhhh thats it, one blow saja aku jadi GILAAA lebih GILAA dari Orang paling GILAA.Her pet name is CAHAYA MATAHARI (translate to english :P)

From I don't know her, to know her and bla..bla..bla I told her my feelings then bla..bla..bla she never gives a answer...bla bla bla misunderstanding bla..bla..bla then I became an alcohol addict again ( I quite alcohol since form 5 with some Hare Krishna and sXe will). Now I trying to forget her by acting COOL ( bajet rockstar macam Pink) but I always ended up fail by keep on thinking and keeping faith on her but did she know? I don't know:(

Is it too lame or jiwang? well I LOVE TO LOVE ( sometimes hate to love but hate to hate?) The next shit thing is "NOW I'M A OFFICIALLY A CHAIN SMOKER THAT SMOKES ILLEGAL CHEAP CIGARETTES e.g Paradox,Canyon and D&J" amount of TAR in my lungs can be used to build MRR3 highway? Then, bla..bla..bla I get problems from some gangster shits or maybe just wannabes only where until I act like a gangster shit too and messed up with police that almost cost my future. Ok, then I face the same problems again with MY FUCKIN OWN RACE THAT HATES ME SOO MUCH BECAUSE OF MY SKINNY JEANS, MOP TOP HAIR AND IMPORTANTLY PEOPLE THAT I HANGOUT ( where 70% of my friends are Malays and 20% and more are chinese) FUCK MY OWN RACE SUPREMACISTS DICKHEAD CHAV NIGAAZ WANNABE ASSHOLES ( FUCK RACISM).

Ok, leave that shit behind, then I started to know how powerful is money for certain people who always KIRA-KIRA one ( unluckily my friends but luckily they are good in other aspects). Then, I LEARNED TO STUDY? Oh yaa, I FORMED A NEW THREE PIECE BAND CALLED THE WASTED :D ( dah main 2 gig, still the old angsty shits I compose and is resting now because of studies) Other than that, aku nowadays digging for some old skool POST-PUNK things (POST-PUNK ARE FUCKIN COOL THAN UNIFORM WEARING 24 HOURS POLITICAL PUNKS?) Knowledge falsafah aku bertambah, Ideologies aku makin POWER!!! AND GETTING FUCKIN LIBERAL and SECULAR:D

Ok ( to myself: finish it here or you will getting more LAME) I just started my 4th semester that will decide my entrance to DEGREE IN MASS COMM.....arghhhhhhhhhh MATHEMATICS comes again, fakkkkkkkkkkkk I'm scared but bit confident that I can face these SATANIC MATHEMATICS ( Thanks for Coldplay, Julian Casablanas, Indie rock? Hipster? facebook? Lookbook? bla..bla..bla ) Oh yaa, the last thing, I TURNED INTO A FUCKIN CRAZY FAN OF TH LIBERTINES, BABYSHAMBLES, PETER DOHERTY<3<3<3 AND THE STROKES<3<3<3<3. ( I love ILLUMINATI&FREEMASONS? Yeah, NWO rawkksssssssss :P BYE EYB

Ps: sorry for being a lame fucktard for writting all of these shits on my head)